June 18, 2008
It’s not a pleasant word, but I pray that admitting the feeling will begin, or rather continue, the process of God removing it. The last two or three weeks have been amazing. The Vacation Bible School team was a treat for the kids, and the new playground was the icing. One of my favorite things to do is go down the slide with the kids. Of course it cannot be just one; they all tend to line up after the first.
Well, all things good and bad do come to an end. It is a part of life that I don’t necessarily enjoy unless it is the bad that is ending; and that is what I pray for now.
If there is a God, and to be perfectly clear…..there is one; then there is Satan too. Living in the U.S. really does make me believe the latter does not exist. Being here in Sudan, where dark magic is performed all over the place and seeing how turmoil can enter a place as incredible as this orphanage, one begins to understand better that both are at work. Ultimately God will win, but Satan does exist and makes every attempt to stop God and His glorious plan.
….I cannot even begin to describe how odd it feels to even write something like that. I mean…it does sound crazy…but don’t be fooled…
Conflict did enter here, and this is a natural part of any life in any place in the world. Guess who was a part of this? Yup….me; go figure. My feelings have been hurt to a degree that immeasurable, I am in pain, and this too will pass.
Now…here is a benefit of acknowledging good and evil. It allows me to understand that this conflict has nothing to do with any of the people involved, but with Satan making every attempt to put a stop to those plans that involve reaching out to all of God’s children. This does not absolve me from my part in the conflict, nor the others involved; but it does make it clear to me that it is not them I am upset with. It is me that I am upset with and allowing Satan to come into a place like this.
Did they allow it to? I don’t know and I don’t care, because as long as I am focusing on pointing my finger at someone other than myself, I will not be able to participate in the only aspect that I have any…..control over.
….I hesitate using the word “control”; because this resolution involves my admitting a complete lack of control and giving that back to God…..but it is a word I think that fits, and I do want to get back outside and get down that slide a few more times….
So, all of this allows me to alter my focus, put an end to the pity party, get a spiritual cleanse, and move forward in all aspects of life. Right now, I am feeling a tremendous amount of despair, and a profound longing for home, friends, family, hugs, and…chicken wings…my favorite comfort food.
My mind is playing games with my spirit. Every earthly fiber of my existence is telling me to run, while everything in me that is from God is resisting, or what seems…..sitting back and waiting for the “running parts” to get tired and go back to sleep. I have, unfortunately, begun a daily count down. This does not make me happy. It did light a little fire under me when I realized that less than 4 weeks, or 27 days, is not very long.
So, what does all of this mean? I am here, and God has me here for a reason. The day I meet Him, which is very…very….VERY far away….I will find out why. It means that I cry a few times a day, like right now as I type and correct typos because I can’t see. It means I think of each of you…….a lot….and I mean a…whole…lot.
…but remember a few blogs ago? Still, it’s all good; because this too will bring glory to God and He will win. It also means I have an incredible church at home and some amazing friends who have taught me to dig and lean, and lean hard, on God during these times. It means I spend even more time throughout the day in prayer. It means that I am a human being, just like everyone else, subject to make mistakes, admit them, ask for forgiveness from those involved, and move on; regardless of what the others choose.
Thank you all so very much for who you are, who you have helped me to become, trusting in God, being here with me through the thousands of good times, and those few bad one too.
Well, all things good and bad do come to an end. It is a part of life that I don’t necessarily enjoy unless it is the bad that is ending; and that is what I pray for now.
If there is a God, and to be perfectly clear…..there is one; then there is Satan too. Living in the U.S. really does make me believe the latter does not exist. Being here in Sudan, where dark magic is performed all over the place and seeing how turmoil can enter a place as incredible as this orphanage, one begins to understand better that both are at work. Ultimately God will win, but Satan does exist and makes every attempt to stop God and His glorious plan.
….I cannot even begin to describe how odd it feels to even write something like that. I mean…it does sound crazy…but don’t be fooled…
Conflict did enter here, and this is a natural part of any life in any place in the world. Guess who was a part of this? Yup….me; go figure. My feelings have been hurt to a degree that immeasurable, I am in pain, and this too will pass.
Now…here is a benefit of acknowledging good and evil. It allows me to understand that this conflict has nothing to do with any of the people involved, but with Satan making every attempt to put a stop to those plans that involve reaching out to all of God’s children. This does not absolve me from my part in the conflict, nor the others involved; but it does make it clear to me that it is not them I am upset with. It is me that I am upset with and allowing Satan to come into a place like this.
Did they allow it to? I don’t know and I don’t care, because as long as I am focusing on pointing my finger at someone other than myself, I will not be able to participate in the only aspect that I have any…..control over.
….I hesitate using the word “control”; because this resolution involves my admitting a complete lack of control and giving that back to God…..but it is a word I think that fits, and I do want to get back outside and get down that slide a few more times….
So, all of this allows me to alter my focus, put an end to the pity party, get a spiritual cleanse, and move forward in all aspects of life. Right now, I am feeling a tremendous amount of despair, and a profound longing for home, friends, family, hugs, and…chicken wings…my favorite comfort food.
My mind is playing games with my spirit. Every earthly fiber of my existence is telling me to run, while everything in me that is from God is resisting, or what seems…..sitting back and waiting for the “running parts” to get tired and go back to sleep. I have, unfortunately, begun a daily count down. This does not make me happy. It did light a little fire under me when I realized that less than 4 weeks, or 27 days, is not very long.
So, what does all of this mean? I am here, and God has me here for a reason. The day I meet Him, which is very…very….VERY far away….I will find out why. It means that I cry a few times a day, like right now as I type and correct typos because I can’t see. It means I think of each of you…….a lot….and I mean a…whole…lot.
…but remember a few blogs ago? Still, it’s all good; because this too will bring glory to God and He will win. It also means I have an incredible church at home and some amazing friends who have taught me to dig and lean, and lean hard, on God during these times. It means I spend even more time throughout the day in prayer. It means that I am a human being, just like everyone else, subject to make mistakes, admit them, ask for forgiveness from those involved, and move on; regardless of what the others choose.
Thank you all so very much for who you are, who you have helped me to become, trusting in God, being here with me through the thousands of good times, and those few bad one too.
1 comment:
Hey Scott!
You are always in my prayers and you continue to be a blessing to me and inspire me to be a better Christian. I got into a missions trip program and I wanted to thank you for the encouragement that your life is! God bless you!!!
I miss your company,
Rachelen
Post a Comment